Psychosis Asylum Subject Introduction
Introduction To New Employees
Subject One is a lot of fun;
He thinks he’s smart but he’s kinda dumb;
He says some conspiracies, but no one thinks he’s right;
His name is Jason, but now he’s out of sight.
Subject Two doesn’t have a clue;
Who she is, where she is, or what she has to do;
She says weird things about some strange sights;
Her name is Diane, but now she’s out of sight.
Subject Three is as happy as can be;
She doesn’t even care that she killed thirty;
Even if she’s bleeding she feels alright;
Her name is Mary, but now she’s out of sight;
Subject X is lost in the hex;
Because we have to pay for whatever he wrecks;
He truly was the subject with the most might;
And he was the reason that they’re all out of sight
Psychosis Asylum Search Report
We searched the entire country of Yerrespe for subjects one through three, but alas, to no avail. We found “X’s” scratched into ground wherever we walked.
- What the hell are you doing to me!?
- Stay away from my daughter!
Conclusion: Don’t search for the subjects up people’s skirts.
We traveled to the Radio District today. More “X” marks were scratched into brick buildings. They seemed to be made as if Subject X were attacking the buildings like a bull charging at a red cloth in a bullfight.
- .. who’s this “X” guy?
- Hey Billy… I’ll tell you what I know if you lick my feet…
Conclusion: Billy is a brave boy.
The salty taste still lingers in Billy’s mouth. We were told by the “generous” stranger of a secret cavern hidden in the outskirts of The Damned Place. Noises of mucus trying to escape the darkness simultaneously irritated us and grossed us out.
- I feel scared. I wanna go home.
- I feel numb.
Conclusion: Goddammit, Billy. You just licked someone’s feet and you’re afraid of a little cave?
We found the source of the mucus sounds. The severed head of Subject Two was lying buried in the green and gelatinous substance. A large tentacle was squirming about in the opening of the feminine neck. More “X” marks were found at the scene.
- Find the bridge before they do.
- L remembers.
Conclusion: How the hell does a severed head talk?
We came across a military base when we exited the cavern. When we politely asked about the whereabouts of the subjects, they shot the new severed head that we were keeping as a pet.
- Hello there travelers- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING
- Diane, nooooo!
Conclusion: I didn’t really like that thing anyway.
We were anonymously tipped off that there was a strip club in the Red District. Billy, obviously excited, wanted to take a plane there. More “X” marks were scratched into the windows of the plane.
- Holy shit, it’s 21 Pilots!!!
- I’m a huge fan of your work!!!
Conclusion: There were way too many pilots on that plane.
We decided to reward Billy with a lap dance at the strip club, graciously named, “Peaches Mental Institute”. We got some strange looks, but I didn’t understand why. Billy’s four years old; he’s old enough to get a lap dance.
- .. isn’t he a bit too young to be in here?
- Hey Billy… wanna go in the back room with me? I’ll tell you the whereabouts of Subject Three 😉
Conclusion: We didn’t see Billy for the rest of the night.
uhh… guys? it’s billy… where are you????i can’t find you … help me shes after me… help me…. HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- This is your fault, Steve.
- Goddammit Steve.
Conclusion: We’re blaming Steve.
Steve accused us for molding him into a replacement Billy. Honestly, I don’t see why. Sure, we bought a propeller hat, blue raspberry flavored lollipop (Billy’s favorite), and stamped the name Billy onto his forehead, but it’s not like he’ll ever be the Billy we wanted!
- I’m 78! I’m too old for this!
- Oh, Billy! Again with being a jokester!
Conclusion: We miss him.
Billy- I mean, Steve- is kinda hating his life right now. We were theorizing that the person who gave Billy a lap dance was Subject Three. She has a sexy habit of murdering people. Jason gets a bit turned on by being murdered, but he’s Jason. What do you expect? Eventually we came across a nomadic tribe who were wearing orange bodysuits. They spoke in a strange foreign language, but somehow we could understand that they wanted to lead us to Subject One.
- Hoodle doo? Hoodle. Doody hoodle doo. Hoodle doo doo!
- I have no idea what the hell you’re saying.
Conclusion: I… don’t really have a conclusion. They smell like oranges, though.
We mistranslated what they were saying to us. What they ACTUALLY said is that they were offering us as sacrifices for their great Satanic god Eridan (whoever that is). And because of that mistranslation, we pretty much formally agreed to be burnt at the stake and have our corpses raped in the glorious name of Eridan.
- See? I told you they were a Satanic cult!
- Goddammit Billy…
Conclusion: Saying “Goddammit Billy” isn’t the same if it’s not actually Billy.
I’m in heaven now. None of my other comrades made it here, so I guess I was the only one who hadn’t sinned out of all of them. I didn’t see Billy, unfortunately, but at least I found subject X. I reached out and touched him, but he didn’t even blink. He just started… chanting something.
“Subject One is a lot of fun, he thinks he’s smart but he’s kind of dumb…”